Apr 272015

J.P. Morgenstern, the studio CEO, tapped his pencil anxiously on the table while looking out the window at the “Hollywood” sign in the distance. “Well, folks, that’s the story, pure and unvarnished. You’ve seen the numbers and now I’m looking for a reaction. If we suck wind with one more flick, we’ll all be down at Nabisco punching assholes in animal crackers. I’m looking for some ideas to save our butts. Let’s go around the table and get some input. Don’t be bashful―nothing is too ridiculous as long as you can make a case. As they say in advertising, let’s [Read More]

Sep 292014

“They found his body parts scattered hither and yon: a leg in Pasadena, an arm in Compton, the remains of his torso in Escondido and his head in Sacramento.” The little man sitting on the other side of my desk who’d identified himself as Quincy Quackenbush finished his sentence with a sigh and clasped his hands in apparent reverential remembrance. “They can always use a good head in Sacramento,” I quipped without thinking, referring of course to the sorry state of affairs in our state’s capitol. “One of the underlined names is Don Diego de la Fuente. Isn’t he’s the [Read More]

Sep 292014

Melkoff wasn’t your typical attorney. Court-martialed by the Army for theft and sale of government provisions, Melkoff plea-bargained a felony grand theft down to misdemeanor petty theft. He productively used his cell time at Fort Leavenworth cramming for a law degree through correspondence courses. Once released he had his record expunged of the petty theft charge, passed the bar exam on the first try, and used his newly-acquired legal expertise to open up a low-overhead practice dedicated to the pursuit and accumulation of personal wealth. If any justice was realized through his legal shenanigans, it was purely incidental. Our relationship [Read More]

Sep 292014

Following her was not hard duty. She had long well-toned legs, a compact derriere, and a walk that would have diverted any randy Hamlin rat from the Pied Piper’s entourage. The first restaurant we came to – El Sol de Havana – looked “ethnic” enough so we walked up to a menu that was posted outside the front door.  Unfortunately, we had to lean over the body of a weather-beaten, sleeping indigent who was propped against the wall. After reading the menu, I pulled a couple of singles from my wallet and stuffed them into his shirt pocket. “Is that [Read More]

Sep 242014

“Have you been to the authorities?” I asked. “I just got back from the police station,” she said. “What did they say?” “They weren’t very encouraging,” she confided. I sat down and leaned back in my chair, brimming with confidence gained from five years of exposure to police personnel and procedure. “Let me guess. They said they wouldn’t be able to launch an investigation anytime soon because of budget cutbacks.” “No, that’s not it,” she replied. “Then they said they couldn’t do anything because of a manpower shortage due to the current crime wave.” “No, that’s not it, either.” My [Read More]

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